Jesus

You ever hear a sermon that hits you in the gut. I have to admit, I've never cried when someone got saved. I've never been amazed when churches say they had 1025654464 salvations in one night. Don't get me wrong...I've never wanted people to go to hell. It just that it never made me sad to know that people would. It also never gave me joy that someone on their way to hell, is now going to heaven. I mean..yada yada...let me do my church thing. Let me read the Bible. Let me listen to teaching. Let me try to be nice. Let me try to tithe. Let me try to live better, so I can feel good about myself. Do you see what I mean. I mean I have heard 41658764 that you can't earn salvation it is given. But I've never had revelation of what that meant.  I mean what does the preacher really means when he says I'm forgiven of my sins by trusting Jesus Christ as my Savior. What about all the hurt I caused. What about all the shame I feel. What about what I've done to my body and my mind. What about the things I can't take back. What did Jesus do with those things?

Completly forgiven, fully restored, healed and unconditionally loved
You took my sins away on the the cross, you paid the price, I couldn’t never pay
in you I have peace and joy. this world can never take it away
even when I feel alone, your word upholds me..Jesus you are my savior and you are my Lord,
oh how you love me, I completly free in you..This world cannot have me totally surrendered to you.



Jesus, the sacriface you made for me, so that in you I could be free. My past on the cross, completly behind me. I’m not who I used to be. YOu loved me just as I was. You made me new, you washed me, you restored my soul. It was no one but you. This world cannot have me, cause I belong to you. My hope and my future is securely in your hands. I won’t go back to what I used to know. You completly saved me from the grave you rescued me as dirty as I was. I’m clean now washed by you blood. this world cannot have me, cause I belong to you.

Completly forgiven, fully restored, healed and unconditionally loved
You took my sins away on the the cross, you paid the price, I couldn’t never pay
in you I have peace and joy. this world can never take it away
even when I feel alone, your word upholds me..Jesus you are my savior and you are my Lord,
oh how you love me, I completly free in you..This world cannot have me totally surrendered to you.


You’re glory is rising. Your name is above all. Only you died. Only you saved. Only you were raised. Alive today, living in me. You healed. you restored. You washed. (me) I’m yours jesus,
use me as you choose. Living for your glory is all I know to do. I can never repay the life you gave. Pure, holy, without spot and blemish..yet for my sins you died. Only you Jesus, in you I have life. This world cannot have me. cause I belong to you. this world cannot have me, my victory already won by you. assurance of faith abounding in grace unconditionally loved by my savior..Jesus..just Jesus..no one else but you...

this world cannot have me
my shame on the cross
my past fully behind me
because you are my Lord
nothing could have saved me,
but the precious blood of Christ.
IThis world cannot have me cause I belong to you.

Aww Man-being confronted by God

Today I was listening to a podcast and taking notes when God starting speaking to me. It was not pretty. I did not like what God said, but in it is my healing. I'm just going to copy my notes so that you can get what I got.
1. Simply Jesus is Lord forever and always-that is his position he has rule and authority over all and that includes my life
2. You want change in circumstances but you want to continue to do the same things
3. Why are we (God &I) doing this-to help ME get where I need to be.
4. Who benefits from the Bible/cross-How does God benefit from all of this
5. God always had a prophet to lead his people the right way-he never left them w/p
6. I'm going to explain this before I write it-I was thinking that through this time with God I was feeding my spirit not my flesh-then I began to think that we always have to make those decisions moment by moment-to walk in spirit not flesh-always be on guard the following was God's response
 When in a war surrounded by bullets and bombs-do you relax your guard-God tells us all of the time to take up your full amour-that the Spirit wars against the flesh-We do have to make decisions to walk in spirit or flesh in every moment of our lives

Then God took me to 2 kings 5(Naaman)
For  those of you who don't know the story you should read it....
God told him go and do this---and he got angry because his miracle did not come the way he wanted it to-he wanted to be healed, but his way..God said thats me I want healing but my way..he made the following points

1. You have a problem--God says pray and ask him--
2. You have money-God says tithe and he would rebuke the devour and open up a window of blessings so that you can't contain it
3. you want to lose weight-God says stop eating out and get up @5:30 and exercise
4. You want to grow in the word-God says study, read, pray, spend time with him, and spend time with his people

In these four things are your healing, but do you do them--No..you are missing your blessing because you don't want to do your part...

you see what I mean, this is why its hard for me to spend time with God. He always want to confront me about my issues. Truly, I hope this helps you. God may not come like you want him to, but he will come.

wow....some of the things I've said in my blogs

I'm a terrible blogger. I have mistakes throughout my posts. I'm inconsistent. Its awful really.  Then I read some of the things I've said and I wonder how could I have forgotten this. I think wow...this is amazing. I'm a genius.
Not really, but I love my posts. They minister to my heart and they remind me of who I am in Christ and who I can be..if that makes sense. God is awesome in mercy towards us and his patience. I just wanted to pull out somethings in my blog that have helped me today.
1.we can’t stay immature unstable Christians and affect the world in a positive manner..We can’t live like the world and draw them to Christ..they have to see something different in our lives..about the way we do life..its a sad fact, we are mimicking the world instead of them mimicking us..
2.  If living without God means that we live without hope..then shouldn’t we Christians have hope…shouldn’t I have hope..not fantasizing about a new life..but hope..not wishful thinking but hope and faith in a God who loves me..and who has all power to work all things out for my good..
3. Sometimes when you have messed  up, there is a tendency to live your life in regret. I regret a lot of things I've done. I hurt over my past actions. I can look back and say I was really selfish and really foolish. There is no nice way to paint a pretty picture of all the things I've done. I want to though. I don't want it to be as bad as it was(seems). I don't want my past to be as ugly as it was. I don't want to face it right in the eyes and say I forgive myself. If I make it prettier than what it was I make light of the sin I committed. I also make light of the grace and mercy of God to bring me out of that sin.
4. .  I hate being confronted with the truth of who I was and what I struggle with. I want my life to be pretty, not ugly. I want my sins to be "small" not great.
5.  When its just me and God either I can make light of the grace he extended towards me by saying that my sin wasn't that bad. or--I can admit that I needed his forgiveness. I needed his death on the cross. That surely w/o it I deserve hell!


I hope these passages helps you as much as it helped me today.  Most of the time I live like I don't know Jesus. I live my life for myself to please myself. Its not working. People who really understand that to gain your life you must lose it, understand this. My life does not belong to me, it belongs to Jesus. Let his will be done.

Its been a long time

Inconsistency is one of my biggest faults. Start-stop-start again-stop again...
I want to talk to you about letting God fix your hurts and heal your heart. People suffer in different ways, but one thing we all have in common is suffering. Some hurts are big, like losing a child or childhood abuse. Some are small like someone hurting your feelings. Its a fact that no matter how big or small the hurt, we can choose to let it destroy or we can choose to refuse despair and trust in our Father who can work all things out for our good. I can tell you from experience this is not easy. I'm tired of being phony. I'm tired of pretending. I'm hurting. I need God to fix this for me. I can't do it on my on. I want him to make my life beautiful like only he can. I don't want to look to another source for my healing. Not the perfect job. Not perfect children. Not the perfect mate. Not behaving perfectly. I simply want to find my healing in you Jesus. I want to know the healer and enjoy the healing. I don't want just to be heal, but I want to be healed with a purpose. Whatever you can use in my life for your glory Lord, use it. The Christian life is one day at a time. Moment by moment choosing to live for Christ. We will all face moments where we feel like giving up. We we face moments of overwhelming pain. We will face moment that hurt and make us cry. We will face moments that hurt us to our core. We will face moments where we lose our faith. Moments of heartache and pain. Suffering is a sure thing. However we can all take comfort in the fact that we have a heavenly Father who loves us, and he is more than able to deal with our suffering. Change is not always easy, but if you have hurts that are destroying your form the inside then give it to God. Trust him with the ugliest part of you. The thing that hurts and shames you the most. Tell him that you are angry at him. Tell him that you don't trust. Tell him that you feel he let you down. Tell your Father, how you feel--he knows anyway...All I'm saying is don't let your suffering be in vain--we can miss our very purpose for being here, because we despise the pain and hurt in our lives. We can turn away from the living God who loves you. If you are suffering than I want you to know that in the end you will win. Time on Earth is fleeting, but its hard. Stop living your life like you have another one to live. let the God of all heal your pain..let him work it out...Jesus do yo thing because you do it well..there is no other like you. We search in many ways but we can find none that compare...your are marvelous in your love and kindness--amazing in grace

ephesians 1/2

Hello, you know life as a sinner is hard. Its hard to disobey God. It hurts and if it doesn't hurt, then something is wrong. I want you to know that we need to get it together as people of God. I keep asking myself..what if Jesus had came back..what if he came back now..would I be satisfied with the way I lived..would he? These are my thoughts on Ephesians chapter 1 and 2..

1. When a parent adopts a child, the child then becomes his and he becomes responsible for that child.

2. God has adopted me, and he adopted me knowing my background. He said I can help her. I have a plan for her life. I can make her useful. So God, my Father, sees me as who he can make me be, not who I've been. He sees my potential and he's willing to help me get there. I want you for a moment to imagine looking at your child and seeing what she can be, and knowing she is not living up to potential  and standards you have placed in her. That is the life of a child of God who continues to walk in the way of the world. Know who you can be in Christ. Know your potential. If you have failed then go to your Father, repent and ask him for help.

3. He can work in my life and in my world to work out those things which concerns me; he's working behind the scenes to get his will accomplished for my life. You can fully trust your Father, stop playing games, get serious about your new life and your relationship with your new family. Get real with him, so he can get real with you. Allow him to work in your life. God cannot work with someone who refuses to let him. He works through our faith and trust in him to be who he is and love us.

4. The life/way I used to live I don't have to live because of him I don’t have to stay the same, nor does he wants me too. I can live without fear. Its going to take work, and its not going to be easy, but whatever the sacrifice, just know in the end its worth it.  So he can teach me his ways, his statues, his requirements, and because I have the Holy Spirit in me, I can do them. This you have to believe in order to have this promise you have to believe. One more time-in order to have this promise you have to believe that you can.

5. Because I’m God child's I can trust him to act on my behalf and to also do what’s best for me, even when I don't like it..But I have all of his power behind me and he loves to bless his children. You need to understand that when God says pray without ceasing, he is really saying talk to him about everything. Get this right first. These are basics of Christianity. None of those other things really matter without this, you can trust God to reveal those in time, But you want to get the foundational matters of your relationship with Christ right first. Ex-How can you tithe 10% of your income to a God you don’t trust. That’s why we have so many Christians not tithing because they have dealt with the foundational matters of Christian living. We think its about church attendance and participation as a measure of performance, but its really about my relationship with my Father Monday thru Sunday..through every situation in my life.

6. He raised us out of sin; I no longer have to live the way I used to live. I can live like a child of God. I can deal with all of the things inside me that lines up with who I used to be, with the help of my father. He will work with me through my healing. He will help me be better and stronger. He will give me understanding. I need to understand that he loves me. I no longer have to live in fear. You have to live like its just you and God with the understanding its not just you and God. That he has other children who need you to help them as the “older/ more mature” child..we have to grow up..we can’t stay babies..we can’t stay immature unstable Christians and affect the world in a positive manner..We can’t live like the world and draw them to Christ..they have to see something different in our lives..about the way we do life..its a sad fact, we are mimicking the world instead of them mimicking us..

7. Why do I still live that way (Eph 2 1-3)? Because you have not repented of your old ways. You still believe that they will get you somewhere. Renounce your old way of living. Desire the ways of your Father.  You can’t hold on to your old way of living and grab hold of your new life. If you don’t change, your life won’t change. You will repeat the same cycle of life over and over. You will never become who you are in Christ. You have to live this life like you know God…You have to know God to live this life like you know him! Get closer to your Father..be his favorite child…believe that you are the apple of his eye..that he loves you the most..be secure in your position as his child…so that you can tell others about your family…so that you can be proud of your family

8. Ephesians 2-6)-you have some authority as a child of God. You have rights and privileges that the world doesn’t have. You have weapons that the world doesn’t have. Yet you walk in defeat like you are part of the world and not part of Christ. You from this moment can walk like you been a princess all of your life…You can walk like you know you are the daughter of a king..like you know who Jesus is and that he has given you his name to drop..that at the name of Jesus..every knee shall bow..and every tongue confess…trust your relationship with the Lord..trust that he is your savior and that in him you have been forgiven and that God no longer counts your sins against you.

9. If living without God means that we live without hope..then shouldn’t we Christians have hope…shouldn’t I have hope..not fantasizing about a new life..but hope..not wishful thinking but hope and faith in a God who loves me..and who has all power to work all things out for my good..

10.

Be thankful

Sometimes when you have messed  up, there is a tendency to live your life in regret. I regret a lot of things I've done. I hurt over my past actions. I can look back and say I was really selfish and really foolish. There is no nice way to paint a pretty picture of all the things I've done. I want to though. I don't want it to be as bad as it was(seems). I don't want my past to be as ugly as it was. I don't want to face it right in the eyes and say I forgive myself. If I make it prettier than what it was I make light of the sin I committed. I also make light of the grace and mercy of God to bring me out of that sin. It seems as if I'm in a conundrum. I can dress up my past mistakes. I can use the hurt I suffered as a reason. I can lie. I can hide it. I can live in denial of my past, never really letting anyone close. This is my preferred method. I need you to understand. I really don't mind knowing how ugly my past was. I can understand it and acknowledge the fact that it was God's grace that saved me from myself as long as its only to myself and to God. I don't want to pour my past out and lay it on the alter for God to use and I know he will. I know he could use my past to help people. He could use my past to soften my heart towards the needs of others. There is a lot of things God could do with my past and I want him to sort of. I just don't want people to know that I was liar. I lied of no reason and still do for that matter. I don't want people to know that I stole from my own family. I don't won't people to now about my sexual past.  I hate being confronted with the truth of who I was and what I struggle with. I want my life to be pretty, not ugly. I want my sins to be "small" not great.
I want you read Luke 7(36-50). This woman should be me, but its not. Im more like Simon. I can overlook my past as just a "mistake". I can excuse and say that I wasn't thinking right. I can say it was satan attacking me. I could come up with a zillion + 2 excuses. But at the end of my life when its just me and my God, those won't matter. Everything I tried to protect myself from-won't matter. When its just me and God either I can make light of the grace he extended towards me by saying that my sin wasn't that bad. or--I can admit that I needed his forgiveness. I needed his death on the cross. That surely w/o it I deserve @#!*% . I can admit that I need Jesus to help me defeat the sin in my life. I can tell him that I am powerless and I can't do it w/o him. I can admit that my past is ugly and that  I don't know how to live this life he has gifted me with. I can allow him to come and clean my heart and my life up his way not mine.
Be prayerful that I won't allow pride, insecurity, fear of rejection, or fear of what people may say stop me from doing what God has called me to do. He has called me to go out and help hurting people. In order for me to do that  I must trust him with my hurts. This is urgent because if I don't when I try to help people it will be through my strength; not through God's strength. It be because Im saying the right thing at the right time. Because I sense your need and I know I can help you. Those are all wrong. I am meant to help people because God has so helped me that I don't know what else to do but allow him to help other through me. To end, I want you to understand that in my head I can understand this. I can understand my need to fully accept God's forgiveness on my life. Actually living that out is the problem I face...

God, what is I have that your people need

Ok...I think I found the solution to fixing all my problems. Yes! Yes! Yes! I am so happy! I would like to thank my mama for sticking beside me during trouble times. I would like to thank my children for teaching me how to love unselfishly. Everything I'm doing, I am doing for you. I would also like to think my family for giving me the strength to come out of my mess. Finally, Jesus I would like to thank you for giving me you're life. I would like to thank you for being stable and compassionate. I can rely on you to take care of me. I don't have to worry about my problems because of you. You know just how to work things out in my favor on my behalf. Help me to be obedient to you. Help me to begin to do the things now to get me where I want to be later. Father, this is not about getting my life together is it? The world is full of darkness and you want me to be a light. I think you act on behalf of the people who you know are about your business. Well, Lord I hadn't been, but I want to start doing that today. Lord, my prayer is what do I have that people need. How can I help you restore broken people. What is you want me to do?
To my readers, I want you to understand that last night I prayed for God to help my prayers stop being all about me and what I want. I want to know how can I pray for someone else. How can I meet the needs of someone else. I'm learning that my life is not about me, but its totally about you!

Give me faith

"I need you to pierce through the dark and cleanse every part of me." "I broken inside, I give you my life" "my flesh may fail, my God you never will"! These are all lines in elevation worship's song "Give me faith". Lord help me to trust you. When it seems darkest help me to trust. When everything is well help me to trust. Give me the faith to live this life victorious. In failures, in success, in disappointments, in blessing help me to trust you. You are worthy. You are a God who loves me and even though I don't deserve it you love me. Its worth repeating that you love me. This life I live let it be for you. I've lived long enough satisfying the desires of my flesh. Jesus, you gave your life for me; now help me to surrender my life to you. Help me trust you to be who you are. When all seem dark, help me believe in you. Lord, never let go. Don't let me turn back. From this day on don't let me be the same. Change me Lord. Help me, I can't do it alone. I don't know what to do from this moment on, but I know that you're with me. Where I have confusion, you bring calmness. In all my weaknesses I can find your strength. I don't have to live this life alone. Lord from this moment in history till eternity, let this be the moment I found Christ. My Lord and my savior. The risen from the dead. Whose blood is able to cleanse completely without fail. I've longed believed in your death and in resurrection. I believed that you were real and that in you I had forgiveness, but I didn't trust you to walk with me. I didn't trust  in the fact that you were a God who cared. Jesus, words can't express how I feel. Let it be real Jesus. Give me the ability and the faith to love you first, to love myself, and then  love others. Help not to walk like I used to walk. I wanna be different. If my view of you has truly changed, then let affect the way I live. Time is short God. I don't want to waste it anymore. In words of elevation church this is my prayer:
I need you to soften my heart 
To break me apart 
I need you to open my eyes 
To see that You're shaping my life  
All I am, 
I surrender Give me faith to trust what you say 
That you're good and your love is great 
I'm broken inside, I give you my life  
I need you to soften my heart 
To break me apart 

I need you pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me 
I may be weak
Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will 

day 2 of commitment

I have to be honest. Its not going good. Today hasn't been a good day at all. I want you to know that I struggled. but not struggled, I sinned. Purposely and with thought. I immediately felt guilty. The problem is that I am tired of this cycle. I read something today that might help you as you continue on journey. Before you read this, I don't want you to mistake this as permission to sin. I want you to know that this is just to let you know that when we do sin, God still loves us. I think its hard to imagine that he is not surprised by our sin as much as we are. Its from a blog by Steven Furtick, Pastor of Elevation. I'm thinking I am just going to put a link, but I want to makes some comments. http://www.stevenfurtick.com/spiritual-growth/signs-you-still-dont-get-it/  
1. God's past faithfulness and power is a a testament to his present faithfulness and power..Remember Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today and forever.
2. 1. You still feel unworthy to come to God when you fail.

You sin and think there needs to be a grace period before you can pray for forgiveness. You completely blow it and think there’s no way God can use you again. Your days are done. Your destiny disqualified. Might as well sit around and sulk in your self-condemnation.

This really comes down to one thing: you still don’t understand grace.

We often think the grace of God is just a commodity to get us to the point of salvation. But we don’t understand that the same grace that brought us to the point of salvation is also with us in our daily lives. The same power that raised you from the grave of your sin is the same power that raises you from the mistakes of your everyday life.(this is from steven furtick's blog.)

My comment on this is that we are unworthy. I don't really think its because we feel that Christ is unworthy. I think I understand that Christ makes me worthy because he is worthy. My problem is that I know God has given me power to overcome sin in my life. I feel guilty because I don't. I feel like I'm playing this game with God, like I'm taking advantage of his grace.  I understand that God can use me. I understand that my days are not done. I understand that Christ has imparted unto me, grace and that cannot be take away. I also understand that I cannot continue living in the flesh and expect God's power on my life. My sin is hindering me. Its making me a weak, lame Christian. I am ineffective. I don't want to be that way anymore. So remember balance in this. Yes, God grace is available when we sin, however don't take that to mean you can continually live your life pleasing your flesh.

Ok...that seem like a lot. God does makes us worthy. His death on the cross, forever justified that. I want you to always remember that we are justified by grace, not of works lets any man should boast. That frees me to come freely before God when I sin, and ask him to forgive me and help not to sin.

I love you all

Father, 

give us the grace to take this to heart and believe in your grace in you mercy. Believe in you ability to deliver. We love you and thank you. Amen!

Day of commitment April 13, 2011

April 13, 2011

This is the date. I am writing it down. It is in my heart forever.  This is the date that I’m going to leave my sin on the alter and leave it there. I’ve have purposed in my heart that the life I live is now for Christ. I don’t know where this is going to end. I don’t know how great the Lord’s plans for me are. I do know this He has promised to give me a hope and a future and I am trusting him to do that.  There are several things you need to know about me. The first is that at this very moment sin is ruling and reigning in my life on a daily basis. I sin then I confess then I sin then I confess then I sin then I confess. It’s a cycle that I’ve been in for the past 10 years. Now is the time for it to stop. I’m ready. Well I’m making a commitment to get ready. I am going to take the necessary steps in my life to honor God.  That’s what this is all about. I want to honor him and my life at this point has been all about me. It hasn’t really been about God. 

The second, is that God has called me with a purpose. I’ve always known that . Since I was little He has given me dreams and visions. I need you to understand that God at this moment is calling me to believe the impossible.  I have to believe that God can change me and then use me to do something great on this earth.

The third, is I am not a preacher or a teacher. Ok, well I believe that I am called to teach, but I have no formal training. This is going to be a long journey. Its going to full of hard work. What I need to do and you will also is agree to work hard.  We have to do what it takes to get where we want to be it won’t be easy, but all things are possible with God.

learningandgrowing2

Hi,
Last night I watch Oprah on Master Class or something on her OWN network. I was impressed. There are a lot of things that I don't agree with her on as far as religion, but other than that I think she is a pretty smart woman. Last night, I asked God to completely change my life and make it useful.